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On the night of 23rd Oct, 4.15am
I woke up abruptly yersterday in the middle of the night wondering where the hell I was. It was pretty dark but not dark enough to blind me completely. The moon was glowing brightly, illuminating my whole room with extreme intensity. Everything looked okay so I tried falling asleep again.
Wait, no wait, everything wasn't okay..where the hell was I? Why was there a huge window? Why was there a TV in my room?? And who was that sleeping 5 feet away from me?! I was panicking and sweating amidst all that action of kicking my comforter away from me, still trying unavailingly to figure out where I was. Was I abducted by aliens and I was now in their spaceship? Did I somehow mysteriously acquire some superpower of teleporting myself to another world?
It took me exactly 2.1 minutes yesterday night, October the 23rd, 4.15am to figure out that I wasn't abducted by ETs, to figure out (rather disappointingly) that I had no superpowers (except the ability to somewhat dig my nose till it bleeds) (and the ability to conceal my act of digging my nose in public areas by pretending to sneeze when I was 12), that I was in fact in my room.
My room? But my room doesn't have a huge window and TV and some random girl sleeping near me. My room is warm and cozy, not cold and uninviting like this place appears to be. My room is sometimes so hot that I don't need a comforter but here? God here I have to wear a sweater to bed!
That night on the 23rd around 4.17am, I went back to sleep reluctantly in a daze. Utterly confused as to why I came here. Extremely disconcerted. Almost close to tears.
Homesickness has finally kicked in after 2 months. So this is how it feels to be homesick. No one told me it's gonna be this hard. Well no one said it would be easy either.
The novelty of this whole new surrounding is wearing off slowly like a layer of dry skin carefully being peeled away. At first it hurts to start the whole process of peeling your skin but in the whole momentum of the painful act, it starts giving you a sense of pleasure somewhat. When the very last piece of skin is dangling off your now bare skin, pleading for mercy, that's when you break yourself off from the spell and realize that you have gone too far without knowing why.
That's what I'm feeling right now. Why did I do this? I could have stayed back in the comfort of my own home and country and still receive proper education at maybe half the price. Is this really a good choice? But it's too late now to argue with my rationality. I'm already here, in this cold and uninviting room, living a life I don't recognize. Geez, who is that girl speaking in a weird accent? Can't instead of cunt? Three instead of tri?
I was talking to my friends and mom and grandma yesterday. I miss them so so so much. I can barely speak Hokkien with my grandma and had to think and restructure my sentences in my head. My friends seem so distant from me now. I don't even know if who is dating who, if anyone's exam is coming up, if someone just had a fight with their lecturer etc. My dad is back from Dubai now for a week and I'm not even there to be with him. My brother just finished his PMR and I'm not even there to nag at him to start thinking of his future. My sister is going for a trip to N. Sembilan and I'm not even there to tell her to take care of herself.
It's as if I just disappeared from the life I was living to a life I don't even want to be in. With people I love and care to people who don't even bother to know me for who I am.
I can't deny that I hate everything there is here but I'm trying to be strong. It's not as if everyone has a chance to have what I have so I guess I have no right to complain. I'm just really really sad right now for it seems as if everything was just thrown unto me so suddenly. Independence, freedom, self-reliance. Maybe this is how it feels like to live your own life.
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On another note, something major happened to my ticket provider so I have to get my own ticket home for Summer and it's going to be around RM 6500 T________T Looks like I have to stay here and work my ass off so I can go back 2 years later. This sucks.
P.S: Anyone from the states here who might want to host pitiful me during Christmas for a few days (or weeks wtf)? *blink blink
Listening to: Colbie Caillat- Bubbly (god i love love love this song, it makes me feel so much better and happy)
Posted at 11:56:38 am by expectation
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Of the lake, elfing and 6 flags
I have a crazy amount of pictures to post so if I have time, I'll post them all up but if I don't then I'll split this entry into two ok!
Last weekend we decided to walk around taking pictures of our beautiful campus but we spent too much time around the lake because it was so so so picturesque that we didn't have time for the rest of the campus!
See?
That's Mild
Angela's annoying cousin, Angela's nice cousin Kelvin, Audrey tha nature-hater, me
 
Artistic Aud wtf people ask her to take picture of me while I climb down and she took one pic of her shoes, one pic of herself and oh one pic of me and another pic of herself wtf.
Aud and Kelvin the coat-rack wtf
 
Lovers
 
Grumpy Aud with annoying cousin and me shitting wtf
=D
Aud, me, Angie, Jeannie
I look like I'm trying to get away from Angie wtf
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There's this tradition in Mt Holyoke (i know we're full of traditions! i love it!) where sophomores will 'elf' first-years.
We'll wake up to find our whole front door covered in newspaper (we tore ours already) and there'll be pictures all over the hallway with our names!
The best part is we'll wake up everyday for a week to find candies by our door! =D
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One of my greatest joys in life is to dig my nose. no, seriously.
After an intense and vicious nose-digging session wtf. I know i know too much information.
--
Okaylah since I already have the mojo wtf I shall continue posting more pictures.
Last saturday after taking pictures around the lake, we adjourned (wtf) to Six Flags!
With some halloween stuff
wuu~
The rides here are pretty good but we only had time to ride 2 rides =( Cause they were so many people and we waste a good 3/4 of our time there queuing up.
Eh seriously I'm damn brave lah. Everyone (including the 3 guys) didn't want to go to any of the scary rides with me and I was really considering to just ride them alone but there wasn't enough time. When it comes to ghosts and all I'm as chicken as hell but dunno why I'm so brave when it comes to this.
Had to take lotsa pictures to pass time.
Eating fried dough to keep warm
wicked woods wuu~
I was so cold and had to use my scarf to wrap around my legs because smart alec me wore shorts in USA wtf. but but it was warm in the afternoon! I already checked the weather a million times before going and it said it'll be around 10 celcius at night.
Silly me thought 10 celcius is 30 celcius wtf. Biggest regret in my life T_____T everyone kept talking about how scared they were and I kept complaining that I couldn't feel my legs cause they were frozen wtf
this stupid guy randomly popped into our picture, dah lah not handsome wtf
sigh well at least my legs look nice
with a ghost wtf wuu~
With scarycat aud. seriously I have mixed feelings towards this whole wearing shorts thingy la. On one hand i suffered like crazy the whole night (you have no idea how suffering it was i seriously seriously felt like i had frostbite all over), but on the other hand my legs look so nice wor wtf.
haunted mansion wuu~ lined up for damn damn long until we resorted to playing childhood games like bom bom cha, sunflower sunflower wtf, telling lame jokes, push each other see who fall first wtf for like 1.5 hours before going in the haunted mansion which wasn't all that scary.
with scooby dooby doo
Going homeee
oh and anyway if anyone is wondering why i called that somewhat cute guy the 'annoying cousin' is because he is seriously the most annoying and obnoxious guy I've ever seen!!!!1 He talks in 3981 different accents and is damn coward! Have you seen someone (a guy nevertheless) who complains and whines 10x more than a girl before going in a haunted house?? He thinks monsters exist WTF and he's 20 ok!
As if complaining to us is not enough, he complained to the family behind us too! And in the wicked woods, he kept hugging my hand! damn annoying ok! people want to walk also cannot and had to shout at him to let me go, which he then quickly ran to hug Aud's hand. When everyone else shouted at him to let them go, he went and hug the family behind us!! The family with 5 small kids!!1 WTF damn coward right.
And the whole time he kept complaining about wasting his time and how he shouldn't have came when Angie fucking paid for all his expenses!!!! Then she found out that he likes Napeleon Dynamite and bought him a poster and HE SAT ON IT!!! *ANGRY
Then then not only that, he's a really hardcore Christian guy. I have nothing against Christianity but I fucking hate it when they reject people's opinions lor! He kept talking about how evolution doesn't exist so I told him how can! Evolution is backed up with lotsa proofs where else Creationism is just somewhat a theory then he walked so close to me and shouted at my face that WHAT THE HELL IS CHRISTIANISM then i said I SAID CREATIONISM LA U DEAF TURD then he continued to berate the rest when they said 'stories in the bible' because he said THEY'RE NOT STORIES THEY'RE REAL.
Lazy wanna talk to this kinda people. It's okay if you think Creationism is real but talk properly lah! Everyone has their own ideas what. If you can't accept people's opinions then you should just shut up la. Ferme ta gueule!
End of long entry now everyone wants a piece of me wtf. Sigh have to write paperrrr malasnya. Midterm exams next week >.>
Posted at 8:07:07 am by expectation
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have you ever woke up one day and not feel like doing ANYTHING at all??
Don't feel like sleeping anymore, don't feel like lying on the bed, don't feel like standing up, don't feel like eating, don't feel like peeing, don't feel like doing homework, don't feel like talking, don't feel like..living.
Sigh how lah how. People will do anything to live my life but I just really feel like I don't want to be here. or there. or anywhere. I just feel like disappearing and not exist anymore. Have you ever felt this way? (please say no so i'll feel special wtf) I just feel like hanging myself off the bridge (wuu~) not because I'm depressed but because I just don't feel like i care for anything anymore.
Why lah why.
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I found a term for this terribly complicated and bizarre syndrome. A disease so puzzling that scientists never ever found out where it came from. A syndrome so enigmatic that no one ever found a solution to it.
Ladies and gents, it's called laziness. wtf
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I suddenly feel like I got so much work! *uses hair to strangle self
It has been so relaxing the past few weeks and now my work is catching up on me. The worst thing is I have that i-don't-feel-like-doing-anything syndrome (otherwise known as laziness)! How lah how.
I feel like talking nonsense today.
kgwgvngewoj29@#%!@%#$Tgmkfdnsfsfw235@#%@
kdejsjfbhrhbgivfuwe nbjuefhwui jwenfuwheoqn
niwehfwiwe jehfrwiehewiofn 23$!51! efnjw@%! njejff
jajajaja
Why am I like this T____T
Eh, I suddenly feel like going out in the rain, run to the big field and play a flute.
Why have I gone mad! Seriously I'm quite scared for myself now. Why do I suddenly feel like playing a flute? Is it because someone is playing it next door? Or is it because I've really gone mad?
This post is damn nonsense lah I hope no one thinks I'm crazy. Cuckoo cuckoo.
Posted at 8:54:44 am by expectation
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Lalala don't know what to blog about so just gonna post this random filler nonsense to fulfil my blog-every-2-days quota wtf. I have two assignments due next week which I have to try to finish it by Friday cause this Saturday we're going to SIX FLAGS!!!!
WOOT! Six flags are these huge theme parks all over the states and they have the scariest rides ever! We're going for their Freak Fest (since it's Halloween and all) which features stuff like real coffins with maggots and super scary haunted houses! Not like those in Hari Kantin one wtf put chairs and tables everywhere to create a maze and the seniors will wear white cloth over their head and say wuu~ wtf and throw flour and water balloons wtf.
So anyway yeah it's gonna be real scary! And if you wanna cut the queue then you have to eat cockcroach or something first! Wuu~ wtf and we are also thinking of going to Salem which is the scariest place in the US! It's nicknamed as 'The Witch City' cause it was where people who were supposedly witches were burnt and hung to death last time.
How fun, the true spirit of Halloween! No more dressing in cliched costumes to clubs too!
Anyway since we're talking about this, do you know that my college is one of the most haunted colleges in the US??! %$@#$@
Aud, angie and I were scaring ourselves like crazy cause we were talking about horror movies and ghosts and all T___T I hate ghosts so so much. Seriously I'm really really a chicken, I admit that! I get scared very extremely easily but I still love scaring myself. I like paying RM9 to watch a horror flick and cover 9.5/10 of my view with my hands. I love scary rides in theme parks (maybe because since I already paid for it, why not ride them all?)
Ya and we were talking about all those scary shits and they said that in our dorm, the laundry room is supposed to be haunted!
WTF
 LOOK CLOSELY AT THE DRYER AND YOU'LL SEE A HEAD ROLLING ABOUT!!!!!!!!@$#!$@#%!$@%#^&$&#^ZOMG seriously I got damn damn scared ok! Somemore I camwhored in this place for 30 mins wtf! Alone! *breathes in breathes outShit lah fucking scared now what if someone taps me on the shoulder and says "i'm the ghost from the laundry room and why are you blogging about meeee!!!!!!!!!"
fuck wanna sleep night.
*walks to bed without looking back
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P.S: Shit lah I'm insomniac! I was so scared last night and tried to fall asleep but I couldn't! I don't know why but it has been happening for the past 3 days as well. I just woke up one day and turned insomniac
I tried every method I know to fall asleep- warm milk before bedtime, chamomile tea, banana wtf, MEDITATING before I sleep! But everything doesn't work!
Maybe because I had cold milk instead..and i drank the chamomile tea 2 hrs before bed, and whenever I meditate, my thoughts always drift to something else like what should I blog about today wtf..
Kill me lah I only had 5 hours of sleep the past few days =(
Posted at 2:03:49 pm by expectation
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No why everyone thought I'm going to Las Vegas! Do I look rich wtf. I think I'm underage too? Anyway what I meant by Las Vegas Night is Mount Holyoke's annual party! Every year, there'll be this huge party called Las Vegas Night where everything will be pumped up Vegas style =)
It was so cool! At the campus center, everything was turned into a casino and we got to gamble! But not with real money lah, we gambled with chips and then we checked the chips in to win stuff (which we didn't bother with)
Preparty at Aud and Angie's room.
(I'm numbering the pics pinkpau style so it's easier to refer to them)
  #1 With Aud. With Angie. #2 Angie, Me, Aud, Neal and dunno who's that guy behind us wtf #3 I was checking myself out in the mirror wtf. People who were in their room. We only knew half of them i think
#4 Angie love (I think she was drunk here)
#5 With Angie and Shanshan =D
#6 Elise, Angie, Shanshan, Aud, Me+tummy wtf (hunch somemore la!)
#7 Angie and Aud. Point of this photo is to show you the girl who is extremely serious in the background. See that girl with the choker?? Damn kao serious, not like this is the real las vegas also!
Then 3 of us came and giggled and laughed so much, I think she got annoyed at us for disrupting the seriousness of the whole thing.
Some more we got so lucky and won so many times! Whenever the dealer asked us if we wanna hit or stay, she had to shout cause we were busy giggling and taking shameless pictures of ourselves.
  #8 Gambling with elegance wtfWe were damn kiasu one haha you know what we did?! Everyone gets a free chip and they'll mark your hand with a marker pen to ensure that you don't get a second chip but you know what we did? We used our saliva to rub the marking off so we could get a second chip wtf. Then when we told everyone to do the exact same thing too, they looked at us, shook their heads and go "typical asians tsk tsk"wtf
#9 Dunno who are all these people but whee that's my leg wtf
#10 With Daphne the Vietnamese girl
#11 Aud love
#12 Our pimp wtf
 
#13 sisterly love. oh no that would make barry and i siblings too. incest wtf.
#14 On the dancefloor #15 Shanshan looks really good here! #16 With Sambo and the lovers wtf #17 The super packed dancefloor. There were at least 2000 of us inside I think. The music sucked but the company was really great. There were people making out everywhere with bra and panties wtf.
#18 Before going back
It was soooo fun, can you tell? The only part I hated the most was walking back in the cold with NO coat! 5 celcius with my tube dress, I swear I almost froze to death. Somemore this Angie and Shanshan can stop halfway to gaze at the sky filled with stars! I literally peed in my dress due to the extreme cold ok wtf. Who cares about stars now T_T
So that's all, the end! Have a nice day everyone while I get started on my homework. On Sunday night. at 11.25 pm.
Typical Suet.
Posted at 9:50:45 am by expectation
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