One of the many reasons why I like Murakami books is because in a strange way, I feel a sense of familiarity with his characters. Considering that his characters are always potrayed as eccentric at times, slightly aloof and detached from the world, it is rather hard for me to believe that I actually feel like I feel too.
His characters are usually men in their mid thirties whose lives are set in a dark facade. They usually live very simple lives that belie their true feelings because in actual fact, they all feel detached from society and the world. They always feel like there is a void inside them, a void that is hard to fathom as to why or how it got there.
My life seems almost perfect (just add like 6 inches to my height and if I'm 6 times richer, I think it'd be perfect). I have the greatest family, the greatest friends, the greatest boyfriend and the greatest luck at times. But like Murakami's characters, I sometimes feel an unexplainable void inside of me. Have you ever felt this way? Like long ago, you made a fatal decision to wrap up something deep inside you and threw it away? Everyday you are just longing to get that something back and everyday some person would walk past with that something that you threw away but try as you might, you just can't seem to get it back? and that haunts and taunts you like crazy, so crazy that your life seems not worth living anymore.
Have you felt like at one point of your life, you threw something great away and all this while, you live with that great void inside you? Something that needs to be there to fill in the gap, something like a last piece of a puzzle that has to be there in order to make it a complete picture. And everyday, the void gets bigger like a great black hole sucking everything inside and eventually sucks the life out of you.
Heck that doesn't make sense at all no matter how many times I reread it. But I guess lots of things don't make sense too right? Things don't have to make sense to make you feel the way you feel.
So in a peculiar kinda way, when I read his books, I feel like he manages to convey what I've been feeling. If you have read his books, you'll know what I mean. It just seems so so weird that I feel connected to his characters because it's so unlike me. It's so wtf. It just doesn't make a hell lot of sense at all.
But sometimes, the more some things don't make sense, the more they make a hella lot more sense to me.
(and you know how sometimes when you say a word a lot of times, you tend to get confused by the true meaning of the word? Well yeah my current confused word is sense)
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From my many views of life, I think I can be considered to be rather naive. From the way I look at things sometimes, from how I feel about people, from things I say, my friends would usually tell me to god, just stop being naive and open up your eyes a little can you?
But I can't, not because I can't, but because I don't want to. I guess I'm naive because I've decided to feel that way and it's not easy to just grow up when people want you to. Maybe it has to do with the way I was brought up or where I was brought up.
For the first years of my life, I lived in a place which I thought was heaven. In that very small town, everyone knew everyone. People greeted people where ever they went and everyone genuinely cared about you. I guess that kinda rubbed off on me and sucked me into a false sense of security; that people really are kind inside.
In my small town, we hardly had any technology. Our only entertainment was our family and friends. I don't ever remember feeling like I had a grudge towards anyone at all. It was like you know, the town in The Stepford Wives.
After moving to the rowdier side of the country, I felt like I was cheated for the price I had to pay. I gave up all the people I loved in that town and here I was, in a dump where everyone just seemed to hate everyone. In this place, everyone cared about money more than anything. I was only 10 then but I remember hating this place and I remember calling my friends back in my hometown, telling them that don't worry, I'll be back soon.
When we just moved here, my sister was invited to a party by her schoolmate. I remember how happy all of us were for being accepted into this new place. My mother prepped my sister in her new dress, combed her hair nicely and brought her to the place where the intended party was. When we reached there, we found out that it was an empty house and there never was a party.
The next day in school, my sister's schoolmates laughed at her for believing that there was a party even. She came home crying and I felt my hatred for this place grow to a greater extent. I couldn't believe that I actually used to think that everyone was really kind. And to think that a bunch of nasty 9-year-olds made me think that way.
I never moved back to my hometown. I know from what happened, I should be more of a cynic instead but I guess some part of me still hopes that people are truly kind and nice inside.
Uhh, i don't know where am I getting so here ends this post.
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huhu look at this!
For the record, I sweat a lot one ok. But not too much until like damn weird, but considerably okay. As in I sweat like a normal person. And no I don't know how to never sweat again. Don't stay in Msia lah wtf. sweat =.=''
Sigh so saddd. Last few days, Barry found out the secret spot in my room where I can steal my neighbour's wifi! We were always stealing her wireless and chatted with each other on our laptops, eventhough we were merely 2cm away. Hello baby what are you doing, I'm doing nothing, Don't lie why aren't you replying my messages! I can see you looking at Skysport, Uhh baby i love you.
But! But! My neighbour somehow knew someone was stealing her wifi, so she enabled password T______T So saddd no more going online in my room, in front of the tv and while eating! Now I have to stick to the place where my modem is. no fun =(
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