One of the many reasons why I like Murakami books is because in a strange way, I feel a sense of familiarity with his characters. Considering that his characters are always potrayed as eccentric at times, slightly aloof and detached from the world, it is rather hard for me to believe that I actually feel like I feel too.

His characters are usually men in their mid thirties whose lives are set in a dark facade. They usually live very simple lives that belie their true feelings because in actual fact, they all feel detached from society and the world. They always feel like there is a void inside them, a void that is hard to fathom as to why or how it got there.

My life seems almost perfect (just add like 6 inches to my height and if I'm 6 times richer, I think it'd be perfect). I have the greatest family, the greatest friends, the greatest boyfriend and the greatest luck at times. But like Murakami's characters, I sometimes feel an unexplainable void inside of me. Have you ever felt this way? Like long ago, you made a fatal decision to wrap up something deep inside you and threw it away? Everyday you are just longing to get that something back and everyday some person would walk past with that something that you threw away but try as you might, you just can't seem to get it back? and that haunts and taunts you like crazy, so crazy that your life seems not worth living anymore.

Have you felt like at one point of your life, you threw something great away and all this while, you live with that great void inside you? Something that needs to be there to fill in the gap, something like a last piece of a puzzle that has to be there in order to make it a complete picture. And everyday, the void gets bigger like a great black hole sucking everything inside and eventually sucks the life out of you.

Heck that doesn't make sense at all no matter how many times I reread it. But I guess lots of things don't make sense too right? Things don't have to make sense to make you feel the way you feel.

So in a peculiar kinda way, when I read his books, I feel like he manages to convey what I've been feeling. If you have read his books, you'll know what I mean. It just seems so so weird that I feel connected to his characters because it's so unlike me. It's so wtf. It just doesn't make a hell lot of sense at all.

But sometimes, the more some things don't make sense, the more they make a hella lot more sense to me.

(and you know how sometimes when you say a word a lot of times, you tend to get confused by the true meaning of the word? Well yeah my current confused word is sense)

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From my many views of life, I think I can be considered to be rather naive. From the way I look at things sometimes, from how I feel about people, from things I say, my friends would usually tell me to god, just stop being naive and open up your eyes a little can you?

But I can't, not because I can't, but because I don't want to. I guess I'm naive because I've decided to feel that way and it's not easy to just grow up when people want you to. Maybe it has to do with the way I was brought up or where I was brought up.

For the first years of my life, I lived in a place which I thought was heaven. In that very small town, everyone knew everyone. People greeted people where ever they went and everyone genuinely cared about you. I guess that kinda rubbed off on me and sucked me into a false sense of security; that people really are kind inside.

In my small town, we hardly had any technology. Our only entertainment was our family and friends. I don't ever remember feeling like I had a grudge towards anyone at all. It was like you know, the town in The Stepford Wives. 

After moving to the rowdier side of the country, I felt like I was cheated for the price I had to pay. I gave up all the people I loved in that town and here I was, in a dump where everyone just seemed to hate everyone. In this place, everyone cared about money more than anything. I was only 10 then but I remember hating this place and I remember calling my friends back in my hometown, telling them that don't worry, I'll be back soon.

When we just moved here, my sister was invited to a party by her schoolmate. I remember how happy all of us were for being accepted into this new place. My mother prepped my sister in her new dress, combed her hair nicely and brought her to the place where the intended party was. When we reached there, we found out that it was an empty house and there never was a party.

The next day in school, my sister's schoolmates laughed at her for believing that there was a party even. She came home crying and I felt my hatred for this place grow to a greater extent. I couldn't believe that I actually used to think that everyone was really kind. And to think that a bunch of nasty 9-year-olds made me think that way.

I never moved back to my hometown. I know from what happened, I should be more of a cynic instead but I guess some part of me still hopes that people are truly kind and nice inside.

Uhh, i don't know where am I getting so here ends this post.

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huhu look at this!

For the record, I sweat a lot one ok. But not too much until like damn weird, but considerably okay. As in I sweat like a normal person. And no I don't know how to never sweat again. Don't stay in Msia lah wtf. sweat =.=''

Sigh so saddd. Last few days, Barry found out the secret spot in my room where I can steal my neighbour's wifi! We were always stealing her wireless and chatted with each other on our laptops, eventhough we were merely 2cm away. Hello baby what are you doing, I'm doing nothing, Don't lie why aren't you replying my messages! I can see you looking at Skysport, Uhh baby i love you.

But! But! My neighbour somehow knew someone was stealing her wifi, so she enabled password T______T So saddd no more going online in my room, in front of the tv and while eating! Now I have to stick to the place where my modem is. no fun =(

If you are an avid reader of my blog, or any of the member of The Club's blog, you'd know that we shamelessly formed a club called TheClub wtf. So what do we do? How and when did we come up with this brilliant idea? And who exactly are we? Jeng jeng jeng wtf

As we all know, Audrey and I had a longstanding feud and we somehow became best friend after series of unfortunate events. As for Tze, we urm. uhh. had mutual friends. uhh. okay fine in actual fact we read each others' blogs. There you have it! our biggest secret of The Club's formation is out.

So we sorta liked each other and although we practically have nothing in common at all and our styles differ like crazy, we still clicked incredibly well enough to form a club. Hmm I don't remember who came up with this childish idea (I think it's tze cause she always says we girls need to feel like we belong wtf)

Lately, we recruited another member (Jiameei) and now we're notoriously known as the fearless foursome wtf. Our mission is to be pretty always and the objectives of this club are to err, stay pretty everytime or else that person will get kicked out and we'll recruit a new member and also to always remember to say wtf. wtf.

Aiya talk so much no one will read also so here is the moment we've all been waiting for wtf

First club meeting at KimGary the day after Odori came home. See I told you our styles are so damned different! We have Tze the classy dresser, the Sei Ah Lian and the serious me wtf. Nolah I had to work that's why I was wearing a shirt okay T___T usually I dress damn slutty one wtf. oops that's Jiameei haha.

Woah why is this picture so big! Anyway this, ladies and gents, is 3/4 of TheClub! We went clubbing in Maison last Thursday, which is also my first clubbing experience *big shiny eyes. (btw Aud looks like she's gonna cry anytime soon)

I didn't quite like the loud music and being sandwiched but they all say it's part of the experience worrrr. Huhu and also, my eyes were closed most of the time cause the smoke irritated my eyes and my eyes felt like they were bleeding! Are there any clubs out there that aren't so packed and where people don't smoke inside??

Tze and I at Darus after clubbing. Wah I suddenly felt like I'm conforming to the norm by posting pictures of myself in happening places haha. I don't mean Darus lah I meant Maison.

With our temporary member of the night, Lilin wtf. otherwise known as candle wtf geddit geddit??

3/4 of TheClub again.

Finally! A picture of our new member, Jiameei! She looks so damned good here, right!

Third club meeting at MyHome in Hartamas! zomg aren't we cool wtf.

Tze and I again. We were both wearing off shoulder tops! Why are we such sluts wtf. God look at my rambut yang sungguh tidak terurus! How to make the bottom of your hair listens to you more ah?

That's all for our current activities. As a dutiful secretary, I shall write my next report on recent activities as prompt as possible. (yes i was forced to be the secretary while aud and tze are still fighting for the president's position but i think they've peacefully settled on becoming co-presidents while Jmeei the new member is bullied into becoming the kuli wtf)

And please don't comment on who's your favourite club member okay we are all equally your favourites right? hahah i don't know why but I really can't imagine a guy reading all of this!

psst, nice to meet you, cass! I really don't know how you managed to spot me in that huge crowd.

p.s: new job! "Looking for O2 and Dopod promoters, every fri-sun, Subang Parade, basic RM100+commission. 11am-9pm, call Alvin at 0166666038"

I think guys can apply too and I think the commission should be rather good.

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Yoohoo I have a job for you people who need jobs!

"Drama RTM wants a Chinese to act as mangsa rogol in July (casting). high pay for 1 scene at Perak. Age 20-30, interested call jeffrey 0122698646"

HAHAHAHHAHAHA DID YOU SEE THAT DID YOU DID YOU MANGSA ROGOL WTF. What makes him think I can act as a mangsa rogol (rape victim)!!! And why damn racist one must be chinese! And why must go all the way to Perak one! hahahaha.

okay so if anyone is interested, please tell me first before you call Jeff. He'll kill me for publishing this but it's tooo funny not to! I would so go for the casting if it's not in Perak and if I can scream >.> If you know me in real life, you should know that my voice is a little rough and I can't scream for nuts. I don't know why but I just can't! Whenever I tried to, my voice just go blank. like. nothing comes out!

I've always wondered whatever will happen to me if I get raped someday. I can't scream and the rapist will think I'm enjoying it and he'll rape me harder =(

That's probably the saddest thing that will ever happen to me. To get raped and not be able to scream for help because I can't.

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Boyfriend bought some gifts for me from the states!

A super cool speaker for my Ipod <3

Ipod case for my scratched Ipod.

Slippers wtf

Other pictures left stagnant in camera:

Camwhoring in the Bazmobile again.

Oh! My new belt from shopaholicsunited! I took ages to decide on this so please say it's nice ok!

In the airport waiting for a certain someone. The airport is like my second home now! I go there so often until I'm so sick of it. Dad's working in Dubai for over 2 years already so I go there every 3/4 months.

A certain someone flapping her arms.

Odori chan! and all her rubbish wtf

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Okay I was working last weekend with Volvo (volvo is the best car ever i can't emphasize more on this please buy volvo cars wtf) and I saw this realllllly reallyyyyyyy cute guy driving an SLK. He was dropping another ultra cute friend off so he was waiting in his car.

I approached him, did my thing (give out the free Volvo gift lah) and noticed that he was wearing a Burberry shirt, Gucci belt, Armani jeans and he has an LV wallet! zomg don't ask me how I noticed so many things in 0.02 seconds. And he was soooo drop dead handsome ok!

After some time, his cute friend came back and passed him a free Starbucks sample. So the question for today is, were they gays? were they were they?? I mean they were both sooo cute and everyone knows cute guys are either taken or gays! And why would his friend bring him a Starbucks sample? I mean if you're a guy and you're straight, would you take a sample, drink half of it with the intention of saving half for your friend in the car?

Mattho said he would. I'm kinda worried that he might not be so straight after all.

Okay I don't know lah I'm not a guy but will you?

Oh another incident! There was this rather cute guy dropping his girlfriend off in his bimmer (BMW) and he was posing outside his car, awaiting the grand highness' return. And he was seriously posing kao kao okay, flipping his long hair, hands in pockets, slowly turning his head, body leaning on car. I have to admit that he was kinda cute so I was looking at him and I guess he knew i was watching so he posed even more!

Then when his girlfriend returned, he didn't even bother opening the door for her! He just walked (very slowly, still flipping hair) to his side and glanced at me! wtf fuck off lah i hate posers ok somemore so not gentleman didn't open door for gf!

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Sheesh! The Club pictures later when I get hold of them okay!

And we're going clubbing this Thursday. My first clubbing experience

I chup I wanna be the person who takes care of the bags okay! wtf cause I dunno how to dance =( and I don't like to touch sweaty bodies =(

P.S: Thanks for voting in the previous post! I didn't know so many sausages read my blog since I can be quite sexist at times. Kinda flattered hoho. And I didn't know I have so many 'undecided/OR' readers. uhh.

I wanted to blog last night cause I wouldn't sleep at all partly cause I was excited that he's coming back soon, partly cause I'm rather used to sleeping really late but streamyx was a bitch. so, bah.

Yeah my boyfriend is back for real now and the first thing we did was obviously we went and ATE MALAYSIAN FOOD WOOOOT so here ends my diet (which is a lie, it ended the day after I declared it wtf)

I guess I don't have to write about how I feel anymore right? Wrote about that the last time he came home. The awkwardness was still there but wasn't as bad as the first time.

Anyway I'm a very happy girl now, don't need an entry to know that do you? heh. It's so nice to have someone to talk to about every single damned thing again, to have someone to tell you you're not fat every single second, someone to tell you how much he loves you everyday, someone to make you feel a little appreciated, and someone to hold you when you feel weak.

Someone who doesn't care when you pick your nose in front of him and stick it on his hand cause he does it back to you too, someone who farts in your face and laughs till his face turns blue, someone who every single second awaits his opportunity to stick his fingers in your armpits and tickles you to death, someone who tries to lick your nose at the wrongest moment so that you smell the smell of butt wtf (you know how when you lick your hand then when it dries, it smells like your butt wtf not that I know what butt smells like duh i don't smell my own butt but it smells something like that! don't believe, try licking your arm now!)

The list goes on and on. I guess that's why I don't bother looking out for guys anymore, because i know i have the perfect guy here with me. I don't want to have to go through the whole flirting, not knowing each other, being uncomfortable cause you don't know what he likes, and all that again. I know the part when you learn about your partner is the best part, but for me, knowing each other so much and so well beats that.

I'm so looking forward to spending the whole summer with him, so looking forward to our holiday in Phuket this June, so looking forward to boarding the plane (andjointhemilehighclub cough) with him, so looking forward to eating plane food together!!!, so looking forward to spending a week in his college before going to mine, and I'm kinda looking forward to starting a new life in my new college.

'Tis shall be fun! For the first time in my life, I have so many things to look forward to. Not knowing what might happen 5 months from now makes things so exciting. Sometimes, you just need to loosen yourself and not expect so much. Maybe that's all it takes to be a tiny bit happier =)

I know the last part doesn't seem relevant/coherent to the entire post but wtf it does sound good ain't it!

Oh yeah I also want to blog something really serious that has been affecting me lately, something about racism but I'll wait till my new blog comes (cause got locked entries since it's a pretty sensitive issue)

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And for people who are looking for jobs, here are some:

"female usherers needed for a rave in 1utama this June, has to be 18 above, 5'6'' and pleasant looking. Call 0129343069 or 0122842444"

The pay is rather good I think but not too sure how much. Obviously you know why I'm not working for this one here. I called the person and told her that I'm 5'2'' and if I wear 3 inches heels and tiptoe a bit I'll be 5'6''! But she said they need someone who's 5'6'' so when you wear heels you'll be 5'9''

Siao where got girls so tall here in Msia! Anyway if you're that tall, you can go ahead and give her a call alright?

"Fernleaf roadshow starting in June for 3 months, work fri-sun only, 10am-10pm, RM170/day. Interested please call 0122987000"

This one is rather good cause the pay is high but I think you might have to travel outstation. Don't worry, they'll pay for your accomodation and food!

For people who are interested in freelance jobs, do prepare your profile so that you can send it to the agents ok? You just need to include some pictures (head shot, body shot), basic details and work experiences.

Good luck!